Consolation of The Understudy

“I have always wanted to live the life of an actor,
lively and glamourous.
Eight performances a week is my dream,
And the sound of my audience’s laughter, tears, and applause is my heart’s one desire.

Even now I can feel the soft heat of the spotlights gently touching my face
And can hear the audience’s smiles.
But alas, my eyes are wet with tears at the sudden realization
that such a dream of mine may never be fulfilled” (Boethius, 1).

I am only fifteen years old as I sit backstage that opening night of my first high school theatrical performance. The entire cast is in costume, moments away from performing, but my mind can not be further away. I’m depressed, feeling as though I do not matter, as if no matter how well I do on stage that night, my efforts won’t mean a thing. Why should they? After all, I am nothing but the understudy.

As I am lamenting silently over my dilemma , I suddenly become aware of a being hovering near me. She is a tall, robust woman with haphazard white hair, heavy makeup, and large, cat-eyed glasses. In her right hand, she holds a cup of hot, peppermint herbal tea and in her left, she holds The Complete Collection of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Musical Scores for Instrumental Arrangement. She is dressed in all black, but several strands of multicolored beads and a purple feather boa are strung around her neck; the scent of Lavender Essential Oils radiates from her clothing. A firm, challenging look is sketched into her eyes, and a proud smile paints her face. I start to feel a bit intimidated. This woman of such commanding authority...Who is she? What does she have in mind for me? (Boethius 4).

“Hello.” I say timidly, looking around to make sure we are alone. “Who are you?”

“Who am I?” The woman laughs, her voice loud enough to fill an entire auditorium. “Why, I’m Lady Thespian, the Spirit of Theatre. I’m that funky mixture of elation and nausea you feel when you have an audition, that beautiful burst of energy when the cast list is released. I’m the anger you feel when you yell at your castmates during tech-week and the emptiness in your heart when you take your final bow. I’m a friend to all actors, which is why I’m here. You seem to be in despair, and I wish to know why.”

I sigh, somehow feeling as though I can trust her with my deepest concerns. “Well, you see, Lady Thespian, I’ve always wanted to be an actor, and somewhere deep inside me, there’s a girl who could totally walk up to a microphone and burst into song. But...I sort of chickened out at audition and told the director I wanted nothing but a background part…” I stop, lowering my voice to a whisper in hopes that my director won’t hear. “And instead she put me down as the understudy for all the characters. Now, I have no lines to say on stage or anything. And to be honest, it just makes me feel...empty. It makes me feel like I’ll never be enough.”

Lady Thespian nods, and somehow, I gather that I’m not the first person with whom she’s had this conversation.

“Hmm…” she tosses a strand of her feather boa over her shoulder. “I see your delima. Let me ask you this. Why do you not enjoy being the understudy?”

“Cuz like I said, I don’t have any lines or anything. I contribute nothing to this play! I just sit backstage and wait for someone to throw up or break an ankle so I can go on as their extra.”

Lady Thespian’s eyes radiate with excitement. “My, dear! You must not realize just how important the role you play is!”

“What do you mean?” I cock my head in confusion. “All I ever did was recite people’s lines when they couldn't come to practice. I’ve never done any real acting.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, dear friend. Let me put it into perspective for you. How many people are in this cast? Fifteen? Twenty? Each of those people play a completely different character, and you had to learn how to be each of those characters. Do you remember the day your friend Samuel was absent? You had to play a young, mischievous child. And the week Meghan was in Disney World, you played the classic damsel in distress. When Monica was sick, you played the flamboyant gypsy queen, and when Trey was on his college tour, you had to play Prince Charming.”

Lady Thespian smiles, her eyes warm and filled with a certain radiance. “Don’t you see? You have an advantage to acting that none of your friends have had. Instead of learning to play one character like everyone else, you’ve learned an entire cast of characters!”

I remain quiet for a while, contemplating all Lady Thespian has said. “But I’m still backstage on opening night with no lines. I won’t get to go on stage unless someone starts a hacking cough or passes out cold. And let’s be honest; that never happens, does it?”

Lady Thespian raises her brow, and I can tell she senses my sarcasm. “You’re right that the understudy is not usually needed during actual performances. But perhaps you need to be reminded of what the true meaning of theatre is. Acting is so much more than simply putting on a costume and smiling in the bright lights as you say your lines. It’s learning to weave yourself into the depths of a character’s being and emotions and rendering them in a way that touches the audience’s hearts and minds.”

Lady Thespian pauses before looking me in the eye. “Theatre is not about what you can accomplish for yourself; it’s about what you can give to others. Think about the lives of those in your audience. Need is always there, grasping and demanding...and very little can satisfy the plight of the human race (Boethius 68). Just think how your contribution, little though it may be, may touch the life of one soul in your audience. And if your contribution is learning everyone else’s part and waiting backstage for one of your castmates to develop that hacking cough…” A daring smile dances on Lady Thespian’s face. “Then I would say you’re already well on your way to the life of an actor.”

At that moment, I hear the auditorium erupt into applause and several of my cast mates run past me to take their places on stage as the curtains begin to rise. Quickly, I turn to Lady Thespian and smile, a new hope filling my heart. “You’re right!” I exclaim. “I had the Spirit of Theatre all wrong. I understand now. Even if I don’t go on stage tonight, I’m just as much of an actor as my friends are. Most importantly, I can touch the lives of my audience, even from backstage...I think we are going to have a wonderful performance tonight.”